Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
