You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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