it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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