I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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