we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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