News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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