Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
