i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
