So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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