I got chris browned last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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