I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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