Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
