Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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