Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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