Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
