do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
