I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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