Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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