Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
