a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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