Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
