dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
