6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just cut my nipple shaving
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
