i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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