found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
