Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
