One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
