its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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