please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
