are you still at the devil's house?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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