I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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