oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
