I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
