It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
