weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
