Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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