Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
