why didn't you poke me back
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
