The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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