Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
