At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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