The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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