Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
