If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
