going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
