Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
