she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So apparently I’m into choking now
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