So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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