why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
