why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
