using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
